how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
