I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
