DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
