Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
