Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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