absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Jerry, you need to find god
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
