Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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