Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
