Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
that may or may not have been my penis.
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