i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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