just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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