my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
