I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
