I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
