Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
