i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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