I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
