wat bout pragnant strippers??
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
