i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
