Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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