If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
