Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
