I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
