Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
