I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
