Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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