haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
