I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
