Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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