What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
