I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
