problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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