I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
