Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
