I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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