What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
