I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
