you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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