I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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