That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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