I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
