i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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