Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
