Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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