tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
