your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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