There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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