so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
