I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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