i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
