Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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