I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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